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He calls, I call, we are intimate, he has told his family about me, my family has met him once. In fact, he invited himself over Saturday to be with me and my adult kids (we were having a baby shower for my oldest daughter). Unfortunately, most guys need to make a little pit stop between “infatuation land” and “attachment ville.” When a man feels himself getting in deep with a woman (even if he’s sure he’s crazy about her), he sometimes will get overcome by fear and pull back for a while.
We do things like go on walks and talk during the day etc. Now mind you, this is his fear of the CONCEPT of commitment, not fear of a commitment with YOU.
Before I begin today’s DISH I have a quick SUCCESS STORY to share with you! His Ex is Back ,” and I discussed what to do when the guy you’re seeing is in contact with (or is confused about his feelings for) his ex-girlfriend. You didn’t just sit around waiting and hoping that your boyfriend would choose you over his ex…
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go on a few dates with you)…Then eventually he can get his legs in and, hey, it’s really not so bad (i.e. ”“Give him some space and he’ll figure it out,” I answer.
seeing you on a regular basis, opening up and letting you get to know him)…(Insert your own joke here about what it takes to get him in past his ‘nether regions! relationship), he’s loving it, and he never wants to get out! This doesn’t seem to satisfy her, and I know exactly why. But the truth that Molly – and all of us, really – need to understand, is that WE SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER ANYONE’S ACTIONS BUT OUR OWN.
Let’s just enjoy each other’s company and see where this goes… ”Just the reassurance that comes from him knowing that you’re willing to take things one day at a time might be enough to help him settle down, process his fears and concerns, and come to the realization that you’re a total keeper!
Good luck, Sandra, and please let me know how it works out!
If he brings it up again, you might consider telling him something simple and non-threatening sounding like, “I’m really enjoying the time we spend together.
I care about you a lot, and I know things might seem intense since we’ve gotten very close, very quickly, but please don’t let that scare you.
Given his history (long- term marriage that ended), he’s probably using that experience as a frame of reference (i.e.
“marriage might mean I’ll be hurt or rejected”), so now that the two of you are getting really close, he might be worried that now’s the time he’ll screw it up. I recommend keeping your life busy and full (which sounds easy to do with your wonderful family) so that you resist feeling “needy” about the outcome of your relationship with this man.
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