Advice on dating a man going through a divorce
If you chose to proceed in dating him, I caution you to proceed slowly and with eyes wide open. Comments like, “Bah, I just want it over,” or “Doesn’t matter, we’ve been strangers for years,” may seem casual, even confident — but they also mask what’s going on underneath and behind the scenes.
When a man has truly processed his divorce and moved on, he should be able to speak to it with compassion, kindness, and wisdom.
If he was the victim: Depressed, angry, and mistrustful.
Accepting that that dream has died – and that he –is a painful process that requires the healing hands of time. It amazes me how many men are two, three, even important and it’s far more than “just a piece of paper.” In addition to providing some legal closure, it brings more emotional closure. Your separated man could be angry at many things: himself, a legal battle, women in general, even life.
Throwing himself into dating or another relationship may temporarily make him feel better – but it only postpones the inevitable inner work that needs to be done. It symbolizes the completion of an old life – a finished chapter – as well as the freedom and independence to create a new future (ahem, a new relationship, possibly with you! Ask him this: If, in fact, the divorce decree isn’t a big deal (like he says), then why doesn’t he just get it done? Then ask him if he thinks it’s fair and reasonable to expect you to continue dating Hmmm… You know it’s possibly because he’s still emotionally “holding onto her”, too, right? If you pay attention, you’ll see flashes of it — in his eyes, his periods of silence or in his body language.
.” Getting involved with a separated man usually comes with a host of issues and complications that spell drama, stress and heartache to a woman.
The bottom line is that going through a divorce requires a lot of him – he must grieve, heal, hash through legalities, potentially adjust to single parenting and financial limitations, as well as rediscover a new sense of who he is today.
It’s a mentality of “this bitch owes me” and he’s speaking from the Victim position. That being said, if your separated man was unfaithful in his marriage, you need to proceed very slowly and spend extra time assessing his character, behavior, and moral code.
Two important warning signs to watch for are self-justification and blaming.
It is a process that requires time, self-awareness and hard work.
And there’s a strong chance your separated man has a long way to go.
Hopefully he doesn’t decide to withdraw his trust from all women and relegate them to “only being good for one thing.” If this is separated man, you might have a ‘Wounded Player’ on your hands. He’s getting too serious too fast There’s one word that best explains why your separated man is getting really serious really fast: he’s .
The high and excitement of getting involved with you is essentially distracting him from the pain of his divorce.
More often than not, it’s anger, self-pity, and feelings of entitlement that fuel a man’s complaints over support. So if you decide to stick around, I’d recommend you prepare for more than a nose full.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating